The Weathergirl

In a terrible indictment of the state of pop music in this country, Niki (aka Kanal 2 weathergirl Kairit Tuhkanen) was awarded the title of Female Artist of the Year at last weekend's Estonian Music Awards, and also walked away with Album of the Year for Äike Päike. Then again, the super-talented Mari-Leen won last year, so at least the voting is consistent.

Surprisingly, the singer herself - perhaps suspecting that people might scoff at the announcement - was quick to downplay her success, as reported by SL Õhtuleht. "I'm shocked," she told her audience of peers when she took to the podium. "I'm not a singer - I'm someone's project! There are plenty of us around, but we never last long." We can only hope so.

http://www.sloleht.ee/index.aspx?id=273042

Perfectly average

Independent weekly paper Eesti Ekspress has analysed a range of surveys to produce an identikit of Estonia's Mr & Mrs Average. Here are their bullet-point findings:

Mr Average (aged 37)

*Mr Average will live to the age of 67, so he has another good 30 years ahead of him.
*His name is likely Sergei, Margus or Andrei, as these were the most popular boys' names in 1971.
*He works in the processing industry or construction or as an equipment or machine operator. He received a vocational education.
*He probably drives a Volkswagen, as they are the most common cars in the country. If not that then the number two: a Ford.
*He wears size 43 shoes.
*He smokes, having started at the age of 18.
*The most popular alcoholic beverage with Mr Average is beer (he drinks it every week).
*In the last 30 days he could well have had a bad back.
*He is a tad overweight.

Mrs Average (aged 42)

*Unlike her husband, Mrs Average will live to the ripe old age of 78.

*Her name is most probably Jelena, Svetlana or Tiina.

*She works in a factory or a shop or has something to do with education. She is probably a middle-level or senior specialist in her field.

*While she has the same i.e. vocational education as her husband (or partner), she has also done in-service training.

*She had her first baby at 25, which means that baby is now 17 years old (and called either Martin or Kristina).

*Mrs Average wears size 38 or 39 shoes.

*She doesn't smoke and is in the healthy weight range.

*She has a glass of wine or some other alcohol at least once a month.

*She most likely had a headache at some point in the past 30 days.

Other interesting titbits the Eesti Ekspress article threw up included the following facts:

*While Mr & Mrs Average do their shopping two to three times a week at big supermarkets, eschewing corner shops and convenience stores, they still get their potatoes from acquaintances who grow their own and honey from a friendly beekeeper.

*In the event that the beekeeper or anyone else tempts them into casual sex outside of the relationship, they won't use a condom.
*If this doesn't kill them, a coronary will. Or cancer.

*Mr & Mrs Average do not represent the average Estonian family at all: the most widespread family unit in the country is the single-parent model. Since they're together they are most likely an amalgam of families, with at least one child not being the fruit of both of their loins.

http://www.ekspress.ee/2008/03/27/eesti-uudised/1864-saage-tuttavaks-marju-ja-harju-keskmine

Snowed under

A week after the official start of spring, Tallinn (and the rest of Estonia) awoke this morning to snowdrifts up to a metre high, with more snow having fallen in one night than fell during the whole of winter.

This makes for rather a pretty sight when you're looking at it out of the window, but proves rather more challenging when you have to make your way through it. Apart from the obvious - broken down buses and people staring helplessly at the car-shaped piles of snow they're meant to be driving - the blizzard has seen a sharp rise in the number of perplexed tourists from southern Europe saying things like "what happened to spring?".

Great Friday

The Good Friday public holiday yesterday was marked in Tallinn by an unusual bout of sunshine lasting pretty much all day long. It inspired me to go out and walk around the Old Town, which in turn inspired me to take some photos. Here's a montage or two of some of them.

Your worship

Spring started this morning at 7.48 am with Bishop Andres Põder of the Estonian Evangelical Lutheran Church delivering a sermon on ETV's morning television programme Terevisioon denouncing the false god that people in Estonia have taken to worshipping of late.

"The only god Estonians know is money, but at least they've started to realise that it's not the only source of happiness in the world," his bishopness said. He added that they have achieved a level of wealth at which they should stop and take stock, before they burn out completely in their quest to be better than everyone else.

Interestingly, Põder did not seem to be on a recruitment drive (not that one would be very successful in a country as areligious as Estonia) and becomes the first religious leader in a long time who has said anything I actually agree with.

How Estonian are you?

A former colleague of mine sent me a list the other day with which to check whether you've been in Estonia too long or how Estonian you really are. Having cut out about two-thirds of it, it goes something like this:

You know you’ve been in Estonia too long when...

- Things are not ‘great’ or ‘amazing’ anymore; they’re just ‘normal’.

- You hear loud-talking passengers on the bus and immediately assume they are drunkor Russian-speaking or both.

- You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the supermarket and which ones can be used for garbage.

- You chat with people by MSN or Skype even if they’re two metres away from you.

- You stop asking “How are you?” when you meet people: you simply greet them with ‘hei’ or ‘chau’ and keep your distance. If you want to be very effusive, you lengthen the last vowel.
- You’ve replaced other English expressions with Estonian ones too. Your native language has seriously deteriorated.

- Your definition of spicy food has seriously deteriorated.

- Customer service is no longer linked with courtesy.

- You don’t think twice about wearing flip-flops indoors.

You know you are from Estonia when...

- You are convinced that Estonia is very strategically located.

- When someone asks you “Where is Estonia?” you quickly reply that it’s in Northern Europe close to Finland.

- You have actually been to Finland.
- You take a box of Kalev chocolates when visiting friends abroad.

- Kohukesed form part of your diet.

- You check the thermometer before going out.

- You look in both directions before crossing the road, even if it’s a one-way street (or pedestrian mall).

- You declare your taxes on the internet like all normal people do.

- A foreigner speaks to you in broken, horrible Estonian and you go on and on about how wonderful their Estonian is compared to ‘the Russians’.

- Your best friend’s girlfriend is your English teacher’s daughter and they live next door to your grandparents, who were colleagues with your advisor, who is friends with your...

- You’ve cheated on your partner at least ten times but still think you’re in a good relationship.

Funnily enough, most of the second lot also apply to me. I guess that means I've been in Estonia a fair while?

Mees, kes teadis ussisõnu

Only a year and a month after it was released, I finally finished Andrus Kivirähk's latest novel over the weekend. Mees, kes teadis ussisõnu or 'The man who could speak the language of snakes' is an unrelentingly dark and sullen tale of decay laced with black humour and unflinching in its atheism.

Set somewhere in Estonia at some point in the Middle Ages when the old world was steadily being submerged by the new, it features a memorable cast of characters and tells an unfolding story that spirals ever downwards from the first line until it reaches its inevitably gloomy (but still rather moving) conclusion. Needless to say it is not for those looking for cheery bed-time reading.

Indeed, it's not for people who don't understand Estonian either, at least until it appears in translation. But if you're a foreigner with a grasp of the language and a desire to look at the country in a different light, it's a book I highly recommend. Everyone else should keep their eyes and ears open for it in the hope it hits the shelves in other languages over the next few years.

(Oh, and by the way: the author, Andrus Kivirähk, has also written a fantastic children's book called Kaelkirjak or 'The giraffe'. Not sure whether that's available in translation either, but the recommendation applies all the same to this. Plus it's recently been re-released in a new hardcover version with lavish illustrations which makes a great read for [more advanced] learners of the language.)

That's not for me to say

Eesti Ekspress is reporting that like his Russian-speaking constituents being anti-foreigner, Tallinn mayor Edgar Savisaar is anti-gay.

Under the headline "Savisaar shows no support for sexual minorities", the independent weekly reveals that the jolly leader of the Centrist Party has declined to join other European mayors - including those of Paris, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm and Barcelona - in upholding the rights of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transexuals to freedom of speech and public expression.

Sparking controversy is the fact that though personally called upon to address the matter, Savisaar passed the buck on deciding not to support it to his underlings. "What we are dealing with here in an important stance and an issue that is very topical in society today, which is why I am asking the education and culture committee of Tallinn City Council to examine the issue and make their own proposals," Savisaar wrote. They advised him not to sign up.

The nub of the letter addressed to Europe's mayors by sexual minority representatives is the infringement of their rights in post-Communist Eastern Europe: restricting freedom of speech and making it almost impossible to hold demonstrations and public gatherings, with the police failing to provide sufficient security. It also points out that leading politicians in neighbouring countries (but not Estonia itself) have used discriminatory language in reference to sexual minorities.

Sadly, whether or not Itkar acted appropriately in delegating responsibility for weighing up the issue, it was a no-win situation to begin with: someone in his position, from his party, considering its grass roots support, was never going to sign up to anything so taboo, and the fact that the issue remains so in the country means that his inevitable 'no' will only reinforce the image of Estonia as a homophobic nation. Which it perhaps deserves.

http://www.ekspress.ee/2008/03/13/eesti-uudised/1618-savisaar-ei-toeta-seksuaalvahemusi

What are they good for?

With news that the government is set to take a more lenient stance on the issue of allowing foreign workers into Estonia (reducing the amount of red tape from 'suffocating' to 'mild choking') comes the inevitable vox populi which highlights that - surprise! - Joe Average is overwhelmingly against the idea.

A survey has shown that two thirds of the population in no way support the importing of Johnny Foreigner. Interestingly enough, given what the last mass introduction of outsiders meant for their country, it was the Estonian-speakers who proved more tolerant of the notion than the Russian-speakers. Then again, that could be down to paranoid protectionism and/or inherent racism.

The reasons the respondents gave for their views varied. Of the few who support the idea, the main arguments proferred were the need for specialists and, less objectively, the inevitability of it all. Those condemning the plan did so because they don't like foreigners, are convinced that the Estonian people will be wiped off the face of the Earth and assume that there are huge untapped human resources in the country.

Those with such clearly well-informed views need fear not, however, for while the government may be increasing the numbers of people it will let in to Estonia, it will also be knuckling down to ensure that these numbers are not exceeded, which they have never really done in the past. Besides, even if they do shorten the time they are given to be generally unpleasant, unhelpful, unwelcoming and condescending towards potential residents from six to two months, the fact that such attitudes are unlikely to change may still see many applicants turning away in frustration and disgust anyway.

English at the gates

The future of Estonia is in jeopardy: officials are concerned that with as many as 84% of all students in Estonian schools studying English as a second language and the popularity of languages such as German and French seriously on the wane, there will not be enough speakers of other EU languages in the years to come.

“The only way we'll get ourselves any proper specialists is if these languages are taught thoroughly and if the students gain experience in learning a number of them,” said Kersti Sõstar, the director of the language department of the National Examinations and Qualifications Centre.

41% of students (and rising) are currently taking Russian classes, while only 18% are studying German and a mere 3% French - with just 4% and 1% respectively studying the latter two as their first foreign language. Meanwhile, 71% are plumping for English as their foreign tongue of choice.

However, it is generally the schools themselves who decide which languages they teach (rather than the students being given the choice) and therefore which are given priority. This has led to many teachers of other languages having to turn traitor and take up teaching English lest they find themselves out of a job.

Now call me a cynic, but this in itself does not necessarily bode well for the teaching of English in Estonian schools. Sure, the methodology might be the same, but are the skills necessarily on par? Besides, if the state's education honchos are really so concerned about Estonians speaking EU languages, where are the schools offering Maltese and Irish Gaelic?

http://www.epl.ee/uudised/422052

True blue ambassadors

MP Marko Mihkelson has been blogging about his trip to Australia as part of a delegation led by Riigikogu chair Ene Ergma. It has convinced him that the Estonian government should seriously consider opening an embassy in Canberra (yes, it's the capital). Here is what he says.

Here and there in Estonia you hear dissenting voices saying: why should we bother building an embassy that far away and waste the state's money? It's obvious that the country's options are pretty limited when it comes to new embassies, so every decision to do so needs to be weighed up very carefully.

But if we are to establish embassies anywhere [other than the new ones planned for Egypt, Israel and India over the next couple of years], our first choice should be Australia. There are a number of reasons for this. For a start, Australia is one of our closest allies. Secondly, it is home to the fifth-largest Estonian population in the world and the only community of its size not to be represented by an embassy. Thirdly, Australia is the perfect gateway to south-east Asia and the Pacific. Fourthly, there is huge growth potential in bilateral trade of goods and knowledge. And fifthly, of the 27 member states of the European Union, 23 have embassies in Canberra. Those that don't are Luxembourg and the three Baltic States. Which says a lot.

Other factors which Mihkelson mentions, albeit not necessarily as part of his argument for setting up an embassy, are the fact that Estonia's ambassador to Australia is currently based in Japan (and I thought having to get my passport renewed through Stockholm was a pain in the arse!) and the revelation that the first Estonians in fact reached Terra Australis as long ago as 1696 - as part of the crew of a Dutch expedition led by Willem de Vlamingh. (I should probably point out to Sandy Casar, who pondered about this amazing discovery on Mihkelson's blog, that the likelihood of the three men in question 'staying on to live in Australia' is not very high.)

Mihkelson, Ergma and a few other MPs are ostensibly in Australia on an official visit to Sydney and Canberra, meeting parliamentary delegates, federal representatives and local Estonian residents and associations, but undoubtedly also living it up if our Marko's blog is anything to go by.

PS Can I work in the Australian embassy if one is ever opened here in Tallinn?

http://markomihkelson.blogspot.com/

A woman's work is never done

Estonian women are learning more and working more. Estonian men are getting more and more stupid and dying sooner, but still earning more than women. Such are the findings of the latest Eurostat report, which looks at the lives of men and women all over Europe.

The report finds that Estonian women are typical of those in Eastern Europe: compared to their sisters in the west, they marry, have children and die younger, after lengthy stints as widows, since all of the men are dying before them - and there are less of them anyway. Many in fact do so long before them; Estonia is second only to Lithuania in the number of teenage boys dying in accidents. (And despite the fact that it is second to none in the number of teenage girls dying in the same way.)

In terms of education and employment, Estonian women benefit from the legacy of the Soviet Union: while post-graduate studies elsewhere in Europe are dominated by men, Estonia is one of the very few countries in which there are more women doing PhDs; and the only country in the EU in which the number of men and women in work are equal. Mind you, this could have something to do with the fact that the lads are popping their clogs so soon - on average 11.2 years before the lasses - which could also explain why Estonia's ladies are considered the hardest-working on the continent.

The rest of the report, which in fact makes for interest reading, goes on to talk about the differences in pay between men and women and the way certain professions are categorised as "women's" and other jobs as "men's", and treated accordingly (i.e. outrageously). Click on the link below to read it in Estonian, or find it in English on the Internet... somewhere.

http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/eesti/article.php?id=18415321

Demigods of democracy

A number of sources have been trumpeting the fact that some German foundation is claiming Estonia's political elite are the equivalent of global first princess in a Miss Democracy and Financial Management competition.

Estonia has been ranked the second most democratic and economically successful country in the world* in a report put together by the Bertelsmann Foundation, who say that the country's system of government is completely consolidated i.e. enjoys a relatively stable party system. The only cloud the foundation can spot on the horizon is the public's disillusionment in politics generally.

Indeed, the foundation is full of praise for the steady hand on Estonia's economic tiller, encouraging it to make the most of the opportunities that accession to the European Union has opened up to it. The only sour note in their report stems from the integration situation in the country. "To prevent the division of Estonia along ethnic lines, the integration programme designed for the Russian minority must continue," it said. "First and foremost this affects young Russian-speakers, who must not be ostracised. They are the key in shoring up the nation's human resources and ameliorating tension with Russia."

http://www.sloleht.ee/index.aspx?id=270561

*of the 125 developing nations and transitional states whose quality of democracy, market economics and political management they studied

Spot the difference

The new Chancellor of Justice has taken up his post. On the left, ex-CoJ Allar Jõks. On the right, new boy Indrek Teder. Any focally and follicly challenged up and coming legal genii: your future is right here.

Purr

Here's a picture of the cat we adopted on the weekend. We named her Nurr, which is Estonian for 'purr' (but doesn't rhyme with it).

She had been at the animal shelter for the better part of a year, having been found in a dilapidated cellar in a coma and suffering from all manner of illnesses and injuries, but pulled through and was nursed back to health. Amongst all the kittens and more glamorous contenders however she had been consistently overlooked... until we turned up.

"You don't choose them, they choose you" was certainly true in this case, as she came straight up to us, rubbing around our legs, rubbing our knuckles - just looking for a bit of love. Since then she's proven to be extremely affectionate, almost to the point of overkill - but it will take time for her to settle in and settle down, and she seems to like it here with us.

So Nurr is our contribution to the Estonian animal welfare system and she is a contribution to our welfare too. Like I said in the last post, I encourage anyone thinking of getting a pet to do so through the shelter - the staff there are friendly, helpful, encouraging and most of all grateful, and the animals really do need good homes to go to.