Putting the 'hospital' in 'hospitality'

I had the misfortune on Friday evening of requiring tests and a procedure at the Eastern Tallinn Central Hospital to diagnose a mysterious illness I have been suffering from for several weeks now. Since I had stupidly forgotten to bring the doctor's referral in my rush to get there and get whatever it was sorted out - but hoped, based on an article I translated some weeks ago about the online advances in the Haigekassa, the Estonian version on the NHS, that the doctor's notes would already be recorded somewhere in the system - I then had the even greater misfortune of dealing with the head nurse on duty.

I never caught her name; she never offered it, and I never got to look at her badge, as I was having enough of a struggle even making eye contact with her. She was one of these people who looks everywhere but at the person she is talking to, or rather bickering with, and seemed fascinated by the peeling paintwork of the door frame. Our conversation ran something like what follows - and I might just point out that nothing I said was inaccurate, and nothing more than what I said was included on the doctor's referral, apart perhaps from the reference numbers et al. The cast of characters is Me, Bitch Nurse and Fat Girl at Desk.


Fat Girl at Desk: Next.

I hand over my national identity card, which she takes with fat fingers and looks at uninterestedly.

Me: Hello. I've been referred here by my GP for blood tests and colonic irrigation.
Fat Girl at Desk: Where's your referral?
Me: Unfortunately in my hurry I left it at home. Are the details not available on your system?

Small eyes roll up in her pudgy face to look at me as though I have suggested the most idiotic thing in the world.

Fat Girl at Desk: No.

She taps her well-chewed fingernails on the desk for a moment before sighing exaggeratedly and hoisting herself out of the seat. She waddles into a walled-off back section of the office and consults who will turn out to be the head nurse on duty in a voice just loud enough to be made out as they come back into the room.

Fat Girl at Desk: ...some foreigner... No, he speaks Estonian. That's him.

The head nurse comes to the door of the office and starts not looking at me, while addressing me like a halfwit for the entire duration of the conversation that ensues.

Bitch Nurse: What's your problem?
Me: I was referred here immediately by my GP for blood tests and colonic irrigation.
Bitch Nurse: Why don't you have a referral?
Me: I do, but in my rush to get here I must have left it at home. Is there no way of admitting me without it?
Bitch Nurse: I hardly think so. We don't just admit anyone. Why do you need blood tests if you have stomach problems?
Me: The doctor thinks the stomach problems are related to the other illness I have, which no one has been able to identify so far. But it's not a bacterial infection.
Bitch Nurse: So why didn't she do the blood tests herself? That's her job.
Me: She referred me here as a matter of urgency, and instructed me to ask you to run blood tests -
Bitch Nurse: No one instructs us to do anything.
Me: Well, not 'instruct' then -
Bitch Nurse: What's wrong with you anyway? Do you have stomach pains?
Me: Well, no, but -
Bitch Nurse: So why do you need colonic irrigation? Have you tried suppositories? Why don't you just sit on the toilet?
Me: I have tried suppositories, but I still haven't been able to go to the toilet for six days. The doctor said -
Bitch Nurse: The doctor could have said anything. Without a referral we only have what you are telling us.
Me: Well, I'm telling the truth.
Bitch Nurse: And what's this other problem you have?
Me: I don't know. The GP doesn't know. Nobody knows. That's why she sent me here for blood tests.
Bitch Nurse: She has no right to send you here for blood tests she could very well do herself.
Me: OK, but she said the results couldn't wait till Monday, and that since I would have to come here for the colonic irrigation anyw-
Bitch Nurse: It's all academic. Without the referral we can't do anything for you. Don't you have someone who can collect it for you?
Me: Er... possibly.
Bitch Nurse: Well if you don't you'll just have to go and get it yourself. We can't do anything until we know what the doctor thinks your problem is.
Me: She doesn't know what the problem is. That's why she recommended blood tests.
Bitch Nurse: So why is she so sure you need colonic irrigation?
Me: Because I haven't been to the toilet for almost a week and there is a large fecal impaction lodged in my rectum.

And on we went for several more minutes, round and round, as I grew sweatier and sweatier from my self-evident fever, until eventually she grew tired of listening to my stupid foreigner's spiel and closed with:

Bitch Nurse: Bring us the referral and we can help you. Without it I'm not prepared to take your word for it. We don't work like that here. We can't just take in people claiming to be sick, you know. We're a busy hospital.

Good to know my contributions to Social Security Tax in Estonia are being put to such good use. If you were wondering, I was eventually admitted, tested and treated. The verdict? "You have a virus."

The name's Who. Doctor Who.

Doctor Who

ABC, 7.30 pm, Saturday 4 August

Military prostitution

An opinion piece by Edgar Velbri, 'libertarian socialist', appeared on Delfi today questioning the reasoning behind Estonia's involvement in other people's wars. It makes several good points, not the least of which being that the people in Afghanistan and Iraq (in particular) are arguably worse off these days than they were before The West decided they needed rescuing. The column ends with this rather pithy paragraph:

"Ma ei ole kuulnud mitte ühtegi mõjuvat ja arvestatavat põhjust, miks me peaksime nendest sõdadest osa võtma ning pakkuma USA-le oma poliitilist ning sõjalist toetust ilma küsimusi esitamata. Ma ei ole kuulnud mitte ühtegi arvestatavat põhjust, miks me peaksime müüma ennast nagu poliitilist libu. Ilmselt on asi selles, et seda põhjust ei olegi."

__________

"I have yet to hear a single convincing argument for our involvement in these wars and for offering the United States our political and military support, no questions asked. I have yet to hear a single convincing argument why we should be selling ourselves like some political whore. Patently because no such argument exists."

Other than the fact, of course, that now Estonia is playing in the same backyard as the big boys, it is desperate to impress them. Besides, it's not like it isn't a mutually beneficial arrangement: there are rumours that Estonians may finally be able to travel to America without a visa... within a year! Maybe.

http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/arvamus/article.php?id=16517942

Cheap at half the price

The Australian Embassy in Berlin (seemingly the only one left on the continent that issues visas) announced on the quiet more than a week ago that citizens of Estonia - and indeed the rest of the EU - no longer need to pay for the issue of an electronic visa to enter Australia for up to three months. Who knew?

You too can look this pretty

Doctor Who

ABC, 7.30 pm, Saturday 28 July

Mariza

I have just watched the DVD of Mariza's Concerto em Lisboa, given to me as a birthday present. Mariza is a Portuguese fado singer. I saw her in concert here in Tallinn last year after she was recommended to me by a friend, and I was blown away.

For anyone who has never heard of Mariza, let alone heard any of her music or seen or heard her live on stage, let me just say that this is what music is meant to be about. I had never been truly moved by music or the power of the voice until I heard Mariza, and by the time the last couple of numbers came around on this DVD I was in tears. People who know me will be aware that this is not something I tend to do: that is how powerful Mariza's music and performance is. You don't have to understand a word of Portuguese to get it. It just hits you.

<-- If you see this DVD in the World Music section of your local HMV, buy it at once. In fact, if you come across any of her CDs or DVDs, buy them. If you flip over to SBS or whatever your country's equivalent of the cultural TV channel is and one of her performances is on, drop the remote control. And if you stumble across an ad for one of her concerts, book tickets. I can't recommend her highly enough.

Here's a YouTube link to the closing number from the concert, Gente de Minha Terra: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeOhPR_0x8E.

They work hard for the money

A report issued on Thursday by the European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions, known to its friends as Eurofound, has revealed that Estonia is the hardest working country in the European Union.

Based on the total number of days’ leave workers are offered from country to country, including public holidays, the report, er, reported that Estonians enjoy just 26, in contrast to union leaders Sweden (yet again) with 42. I'm not quite sure how this works, since we get 28 days' paid holidays per year here, and while there aren't all that many public holidays, there are still enough to push the overall number well up into the 30s. Perhaps it means that most Estonians don't take all of the holidays owed to them and work some public holidays too? If that's the case, it is admirably enterprising of them.

The report (which, appropriately enough, was issued from Ireland, crowned the hardest working of the 'old' EU member states) also saw Estonia debut with a bullet at number one in the chart of the number of hours worked annually. With an average of 1872, Estonia came in 304 hours ahead of bottom-of-the-table France - meaning that workahoolikud eestlased put in roughly 8 working weeks more every year than their vin-quaffing French colleagues.

The question you have to ask yourself at this point is: what have they got to show for it? According to its website, "The European Foundation for the Improvement of Living and Working Conditions is a tripartite EU body, whose role is to provide key actors in social policy making with findings, knowledge and advice drawn from comparative research."* I wonder if they compared the fact that Estonia is the hardest working country in the EU with the fact that it is also the most miserable and apparently also the one in which people are most likely to meet a violent end - completely indisputable facts also revealed in the last week or two - and drew any interesting conclusions to share with these key actors they are accountable to.

*For the grammar nazis among us, note the redundant use of the comma after 'body'.