Smart [cl]asses

A three-year OECD study has revealed that Estonia teenagers are the fifth smartest bunch of kids in the world.

According to Postimees, the results of the international PISA test, carried out among 15 year olds in 57 countries, show that the knowledge and skills of Year 9 students from Estonia outclassed those of all of their peers bar those from Finland, Hong Kong, Canada and Taiwan, and equalling those of Japan. Fellow neighbours Sweden, Latvia and Russia languished outside of the top twenty.

"To paraphrase the prime minister, we've become one of the top five best educated countries in the world, and that's something we should be proud of," said Minister for Education Tõnis Lukas, referring to Andrus Ansip's election pledge to see Estonia as one of the five richest countries in Europe within 15 years. "It's arguably much more important than being one of the world's five wealthiest nations," he added.

http://www.postimees.ee/301107/esileht/siseuudised/298749.php

Things just got a hole lot better

In a series of moves indicative of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing, City Hall has announced that just about every tax and fee imaginable in the city is set to skyrocket in the new year.

The Centre Party-dominated city government (or council, whichever one it is that makes these decisions), led by their supremo, mayor Edgar Savisaar, first revealed that land tax in the city would more than double from the 1st of January. This discouraging move would be in line with their vision of having everyone relocate to the city centre from the outskirts if it weren't for the fact that they're also putting up downtown parking fees. Shooting up by as much as 50% in the Old Town, the new prices - in the rest of the city at least - have been defended by Vice Mayor Jaanus Mutli as 'still being cheaper than in Helsinki'.

This in turn could be in line with City Hall's policy on roadworks: the 2008 budget has seen spending on the city's pot-holes-and-no-gutters infrastructure slashed. Perhaps the idea is that if people are stubborn enough to live on their own property in the suburbs and still drive into the city, they will have to put up with bad roads and high parking prices when they get there.

On the other hand, if they idea is to clear the roads of cars and get people onto public transport (which will still be travelling on the terrible roads they won't be spending nearly as much money on) it seems strange that the other major announcement was that ticket prices for buses, trams and trolleybuses would also be going up (yet again) in 2008, by as much as 20%.

Never missing an opportunity to pass the buck and/or take a swipe at the government, our Jaanus explained this away as being the result of rising fuel prices and the state's decision to increase excise duties. He also added that drivers are demanding pay rises and that the city has to fund the purchase of new vehicles without any of the help that other towns and counties receive from the central government.

However, in news that would have brought sweet relief to about three people in the country, Mutli revealed that the list of people who can travel on public transport for free will be expanded from New Year's Day - to include those Estonians who were involved in the clean-up operations following the Chernobyl disaster. Won't they be sitting pretty... providing they're in good health, living in the city centre, don't own their own property and don't have a car they need to park on the street.

No more art for you

The Ministry of Education has announced that it will be discontinuing the project developed by former minister Mailis Reps which would have seen every Year 7, 8 and 9 student in every school in Estonia sent on all-expenses paid excursions to the Hermitage in St Petersburg and the Louvre in Paris out of taxpayers' pockets to get a closer look at the works of art they would only ever otherwise have seen in their textbooks and probably weren't interested in anyway.

A lucky 14 busloads of students and teachers managed to make it to Russia's greatest gallery on field trips costing the state (and by extension you and me our share of) 85,000 kroons each before the ministry decided to axe the programme on the grounds that continuing it would be a waste of money and serve very little point.

Devastated 13, 14 and 15 year olds up and down the country will have to content themselves with Estonia's premier art gallery, Kumu, even if they (or their parents) do have to shoulder the cost of admission. Luckily for them, it's fabulous.

Tongue-tied

A German guy called Berthold Forssman has had an essay published on Delfi debunking the myth that Estonian is a difficult language to learn.

After waffling on a bit - recounting situations I have found myself in, highlighting some of the trickier areas of grammar and vocabulary and, not unfoundedly, accusing the Estonians themselves of being part of the problem in how they deal with foreigners trying to speak their language - he makes this pertinent [paraphrased] point:

What is the use in promoting your own language as being horrendously difficult? Estonians are proud of their language and love it, and this has kept them from dying out and helped to maintain the independence of their country. I'm as happy about this as they are. But overegg the mystification and, to others, the language becomes completely intangible and unattainable, sapping them of any motivation to learn it.

The way I see it, there are no such things as 'easy' and 'difficult' languages. Learning a language is always hard work, and when you're starting out, some simply seem harder to get a handle on. That's where motivation is so important, and it's something everyone has to find within themselves. So if someone was to ask me today whether Estonian is really as difficult as it is made out to be, I'd say: "No - what's difficult are the conditions we have to learn Estonian in."

Ironically, the article is concluded with the mysterious abbreviation "Tlk V. K." - referring to the fact, I assume, that the language still presents enough difficulties for Berthold that he had to have it translated into Estonian for publication. Pointing this out would be churlish of me if I didn't know quite so well how he feels.

http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/arvamus/article.php?id=17561801

Value for Money 2: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In the aftermath (for want of a less melodramatic term) of the rush on euros for fear of a devaluation of the kroon, Minister for Justice Rein Lang has been doing his best to win round the Russian-speaking population almost exclusively affected by the scam and who already feel a sense of injustice at the treatment they receive from the government.

"If people are stupid enough to fall for [such things], I don't see how it's the government's fault," he said at a press conference yesterday. "The very purposefully directed misinformation that has been spread about in recent months in Russian-language publications in Estonia is a big problem. It incites hostility. I hope the state security services are looking into it."

So speaks a man so sensible and tactful that he chose a Hitler/Nazi theme for his 50th birthday party and contributed to the recent celebrations marking the anniversary of the Estonian constitution by suggesting that a new beer should be named in its honour. ("It will make people more interested in it," he said.)

A clear case of plagiarism

In an article entitled Scots Copying Estonians? Delfi reports on a Times of London report that the Scottish government has spent six months and hundreds of thousands of pounds coming up with its new national tourism slogan... 'Welcome to Scotland'.

Clearly in a move to distinguish the Scottish version from its Estonian forerunner, the placards bearing the slogan also feature it in the local lingo - “Fàilte gu Alba” - which is something Estonia's can't be accused of. However, in an eerily familiar and yet ironic criticism of the new campaign (considering who it's coming from), the designer of the logo for the 2012 London Olympics has said that it lacks emotion and feels “governmental, corporate and static”.

You be the judge.

Value for money

Foreign exchanges the breadth of Estonia, if not the length, have seen a rush on euros as the Russian-speaking population trip over one another in their hurry to offload their Estonian kroons in response to false reports that the currency was set to be devalued.

The reports - which stated that the Bank of Estonia and the Monetary Committee had agreed upon an imminent and unannounced devaluation of the kroon from its current rate of 15.6 to the euro to 24.6 to the euro - first appeared on the website of the Night Watch (an allegedly Russian-backed group linked to the rioting and looting that took place in Tallinn in April) and quickly did the rounds among the Russian-speaking communities of Tallinn and north-eastern Estonia. As a result, foreign exchanges saw queues of people cashing in their life savings for euros, pounds and any other 'dependable' currency they could get their hands on.

The Bank of Estonia has quashed all suggestions of devaluation, and the police have said they may launch an official investigation into the incident, which is being viewed as yet another attempt [by Russia] to destabilise the country.

Shake it

Bringing together two of the locals' favourite pastimes - drinking and gambling - Estonia and Olympic Casino have claimed top spot at the World Bartending Championships in Taiwan. Krista Meri out-cocktailed competitors from Italy and Latvia, producing a superlative Gold Autumn to be crowned the world's best bartender. Congratulations! Yet another alcohol-related titled Estonia can add to its tally.

Wheeling and dealing

ETV's Sunday night current affairs programme Aeg Luubis has reported on the results of a sociological survey asking respondents which politicians, if any, they would trust enough to buy a used car from.

The short answer is that most people wouldn't trust any of them. The clear favourite among Russian-speaking Estonians was Centre Party leader Edgar Savisaar (surprise!), while least favoured of all recipients was former People's Union leader and Minister of the Environment Villu Reiljan - people presumably worried that if they bought something from him it would become embroiled in a dodgy swap scandal. Most trustworthy of the bunch overall was deemed to be president Toomas Hendrik Ilves, although the same number who said they would buy an old jalopy from him also said they didn't know how to respond to the question.

And arguably rightly so: it's a daft one and entirely moot. Sociologists claim that the results of the survey reveal interesting things about the mindset of people towards politicians these days: for example, that support for certain parties may be high, but not for their leaders (prime minister Andrus Ansip being a prime example); and that generally the trend is to favour politic[ian]s that follow a social-democratic line. But since this isn't really reflected in how people vote - Ansip received the greatest number of single votes in electoral history at the last parliamentary elections, while the Social Democrats failed to make much of a mark at all (sadly) - I fail to see the relevance myself.

The only substantive point the survey makes is that Russian speakers will support Edgar Savisaar and Keskerakond whatever it is that's being peddled, and we knew that already.

http://www.etv24.ee/index.php?0597355

Christmas comes to Tallinn

Putting the jõu back into jõulud, next Monday will see the erection on Town Hall Square of Tallinn's premier Christmas tree. At a neck-craning 20 metres tall, this year's tree is being trucked in from the 'Kadrina commune' (as they refer to themselves on the English version of their website: http://www.kadrina.ee/atp/?id=799) in Lääne-Viru county. For those interested in following its progress, here is a timeline of events:

- Monday 26/11/07

*08.00: Felling of the tree to commence in Ülo Kais' garden in Kadrina.

*11.00: Cavalcade to set off for Tallinn.

*13.00-14.00: Tree to arrive at Town Hall Square and erection to commence.

- Wednesday 28/11/07

*Decoration of tree with lights to be completed.

- Sunday 02/12/07

*14.00: Lights to be switched on and advent candles to be lit.

The Kadrina tree was selected to represent the city from among ten entries received in a public competition. The tree alone set City Hall (or whoever paid for it) back 14,160 kroons, while transport, installation and decoration work will cost a further 53,100 kroons and eventual disassembly and chopping up for fire wood or whatever another 33,040 kroons. Total: 100,300 kroons.

And it will be worth every cent. There's something truly magical about wandering around the stalls of the Christmas market on Town Hall Square amid the falling snow with the tree all lit up and the smell of mulled wine and gingerbread in the air. Much as I love our traditional lazy poolside Boxing Days of cold champagne and turkey sandwiches in Australia, nowhere does Christmas quite like northern Europe.

Seal of disapproval

Hülged ahju! In an article on Delfi today entitled Estonia's seals are disloyal to their country it has been revealed that the nation's favourite frollicking sea creatures show absolutely no fidelity to their fatherland.

Studies of six tagged grey seals sighted in Estonian waters off the coast of Saaremaa have shown that the great distances the animals can cover in a day means they're anyone's. Researchers have tracked their movements from Latvia to Finland and back again, taking in the Åland Islands and the Swedish outpost of Gotland on the way.

“The fact that they put themselves about a bit we've known for a long time, but not where exactly and how regularly,” explained researcher Ivar Jüssi, confirming that the brazen creatures recognise no borders. “There's no such thing as 'our' seals or Finnish seals or Swedish seals. There's just the Baltic Sea and the seals that live in it. It could even be the case that the ones we managed to stick receivers on were in our waters by pure chance.”

That the seals show no particular allegiance to Estonia is obvious to researchers from the fact that five of the six they are studying have rarely been seen again hereabouts since they were tagged. Just one, an elderly female, remains true to the country - most likely, the scientists say, because she has formed something of an attachment to her breeding grounds, which is characteristic of all grey seals. Random as the choice is.

http://www.delfi.ee/news/paevauudised/eesti/article.php?id=17505066

A man with a vision

Tallinn City Council Chairman Toomas Vitsut has proposed that English be adopted as the second official language of the City of Tallinn.

In widely reported news on yesterday's 'vision conference', featuring a star-studded array of the capital's mayors past and present, Vitsut is quoted as suggesting that adopting English as an official language in municipal authorities would make the city more attractive to foreign companies, thus cushioning the impact when the currently super-inflated economic bubble bursts and filling in the gaps left by Russian firms who packed their bags after the unrest that shook the city earlier this year.

None of the other presenters had anything much to say about Vitsut's idea, as they were too busy banging heads with their own. There were conflicting views about the future of the city, with some saying that Tallinn should spread out even further in a wave of [sub]urbanisation, while others felt that the population should be encouraged to move downtown en masse, with the inner city becoming a jungle of concrete, glass and steel - the idea behind this being that it would improve the dire traffic situation in the capital.

Former mayor Ivi Eenmaa put in her own two cents' worth, stating that more needs to be done to improve Tallinn and Estonia's position within Europe lest they become provincialised and pigeon-holed. She pointed out the results of a recent study, which showed that in none of the stories about Tallinn in the foreign press of late has the city been painted in a good light.

Whether or not presenting such conferences in English - as presumably they would if it were adopted as an official language of the city - would help put Tallinn in the headlines for the right reasons is another matter. Have you heard the likes of Edgar Savisaar and Kaia Jäppinen delivering speeches in English?

Towering inferno

Tallinn's television tower, home to the tallest viewing platform of its kind anywhere in the Nordic countries, is to close its doors to the public this Monday for good*.

The teletorn, as it is known locally, no longer meets the stringent safety requirements that would see it not going up in smoke and frying tourists left, right and centre in the event of a major fire. The one and only emergency exit route - a staircase a whole 66 centimetres wide - just doesn't cut the mustard.

All is not lost, however, as the company charged with the responsibility of looking after the tower are busy looking for ways to open it again as soon as possible. This would require a major facelift (which it needs; have you seen inside the thing? It's as daggy as all get out) costing a lot of money no one has and taking a lot of time. City Hall have expressed their sincerest condolences on its passing, while at the same time pointing out that they are in no position to help.

*Nevertheless, there is hope that with the good will of all involved and the deep pockets of yet-to-be-found financiers, people may soon once again be up on the platform squinting out across the gulf in search of Finland. (I've only ever seen it once.) There is a great affection for the thing and it is, after all, one of the city's true landmarks and tourist drawcards.

Good with their hands

I forgot to mention that I spent a mad time running round Mardilaat or the St Martin's Day Fair at Saku Suurhall on Sunday. Considering it ran for four days, I thought one hour before the whole thing closed would be a good time to start doing my Christmas shopping there.

For those not in the know, Mardilaat is an annual handicrafts fair that brings people from far and wide throughout the country to Tallinn to show off their wares. Needless to say what I saw cemented my respect for Estonian handicraft skills and tradition - the stuff they do with fabric and glass being particularly impressive - and I even managed to pick up some unique and yet actually still useful Xmas presents.

Since it's over for another year it's a bit late to recommend you go and see what it's about, but I wouldn't hesitate to otherwise. Not only do you get to admire (and indeed buy) the handiwork of a lot of talented people, but you also get more of a feeling for the country and its culture. Plus you get to try free samples of stuff like smoked elk and wild boar sausage. And what else do you need on a cold, grey November afternoon?

Putting the 'tour' back in 'tourism'

Postimees has reported the results of the Country Brand Index 2007, unveiled yesterday at the opening ceremony of the World Travel Market in London, the world's biggest travel trade fair. Taking top place once again as the most popular destination among tourists and travel professionals was Australia. Estonia failed to make the grade in any of the Index's 22 categories.

This is perhaps not very surprising for a country whose tourist industry, such as it is, is geared almost exclusively towards Tallinn's Old Town and omnipresent spa services. Considering the great majority of tourists to the country though are here for a day or two at best (as well as how beautiful the Old Town is), this is perhaps the way it should be.

Of course, the argument works the other way: if there were well-established, wide-ranging tourist services that gave visitors the opportunity to see more of the country - and let's face it, nowhere is more than a daytrip away - they might just stay longer, with their experience of Estonia not limited to a stroll on Town Hall Square, a meal at Olde Hansa and a quick facial.

To any budding entrepreneurs out there thinking of coming to Estonia and wondering what kind of business might be worth starting: there is a gaping hole in the market here for organised tours, and so much more to show people in Estonia than 99% of them ever see.

http://www.countrybrandindex.com/

Less a rant, more a matter of principle

It's funny how many people in Estonia seem to think they know more about my mother tongue than I do. It's something I first noticed with intractable students arguing the toss about matters in which they had absolutely no ground to stand on, but which has become much more marked since I took up translating full-time two and a half years ago. I had yet another run-in with self-styled 'English experts' yesterday.

At the risk of sounding as conceited as the people I am complaining about, let me just tell all these 'experts' something: as a native speaker of English, former teacher, occasional author, long-time proofreader and editor and full-time translator, I do in fact know more than them about my mother tongue. And it's not even the ones who require specific (technical/medical/scientific/legal et al) terminology who are the whingers and know-it-alls; they're usually the most amenable. It's people who say "oh, I would translate it myself, but I just don't have time". It's people who think that studying English philology for a few years means they know the language as if it were their own. It's people who try to pass off their impoverished writing skills as the fault of the translator. And so on.

If you give me a text specifically because you feel it requires the skills a native speaker translator can bring to it - one who understands Estonian well enough to be able to work in all of the nuances - and then take the finished article - which has been translated, proofread, edited and reviewed - and decide you know better, introducing 'improvements' that in fact constitute blatant errors of grammar, word choice, sentence structure and punctuation, why bother to come to me in the first place?

Of course, the text is yours to do with as you please. But the service I provide is a professional one like any other; you wouldn't undergo brain surgery and then come home and start fiddling with it yourself, would you, even if you were in your final year of medicine. Why should the principle be any different when it comes to translation?

It'll all come out in the wash

Interior Minister Jüri Pihl as quoted in Delfi reporting on Postimees reporting on Võsa Reporter reporting on a story that emerged this week about new Estonian passports being made from leftovers from Cameroon and potentially unravelling under the wrong conditions:

"I am of the belief that an Estonian citizen's passport is one of the most important travel documents, and indeed one of the most important documents, that connects us with being Estonian and citizens of Estonia, and it is for this reason that I advise all of you here [in the parliament - Ed.] and everyone else: do not put them in the washing machine."

Pain in the arse

Probing the deepest recesses of male health, Estonian men are being invited to take part in a pilot project of screening tests for prostate cancer.

The project is the first of its kind in the country, with such tests to date having been aimed exclusively at women to combat breast and cervical cancer. However, the prostate has now overtaken the lungs in the race to claim the number one cancer title in men in Estonia, as is the case elsewhere in Europe, and medical professionals are pushing early diagnosis and prevention - because unlike the rest of Europe, Estonia holds a dubious record when it comes to the disease.

“Estonia has the highest rate of deaths from prostate cancer of any country in the world,” revealed men's doctor Margus Punab. “Those who are being diagnosed are being diagnosed too late.” Punab says that a diagnosis must be made within ten years of the cancer developing to ensure the possibility of successful treatment.

Punab says that unlike in countries such as the United States where screening programmes are in place and as little as 1% of men are diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, 99% of whom in turn beat the disease, the figures in Estonia remain unnecessarily high (and low, as applicable). He calls on men the length and breadth of the country to get tested.

Mati Kuusemäe from the University of Tartu Hospital's men's clinic advocates screening for older men in particular. He says the while the clinic is mostly approached by men between 25 and 30 with prostate infections, its doctors are inviting older men to take part in the project as around 80% of 80-year-old men typically suffer from prostate cancer.

“The average Estonian male simply won't go to see his doctor,” Kuusemäe said. “He just tells himself that the pain will go away. But all men should be paying us a visit. Get over the idea that it's something to be ashamed of!”

That, however, may be easier said than done. A vox populi conducted by Eesti Päevaleht revealed that even those men in the high risk group who have experienced other serious illnesses are unlikely to heed the doctors' calls.

“Nothing wrong with my health,” said Väino, 74. “I had a heart attack, and an operation, but I get by, and what else can you do. I go to the doctor twice and a year and he checks my heart, but it's not like I have anything else wrong with me.” When asked whether he would take part in the prostate cancer screening pilot programme, Väino said: “I shouldn't think so. I doubt I've got anything like that. Everything seems to be working alright, what's down there.”

http://www.epl.ee/artikkel/406873

Predsjednik Mesić u Estoniji

Utorak, 06.11.2007., 06:00

ZAGREB/TALLIN - Predsjednik Stipe Mesić putuje u službeni dvodnevni posjet Estoniji gdje će ga primiti njegov kolega, estonski predsjednik Toomas Hendrik Ilves.

Or in other words, Croatian president Stjepan Mesić has been in Estonia on an official visit to fellow president Toomas Hendrik Ilves, as reported in today's Postimees Online.

The Estonian president praised his counterpart on Croatia's stability, openness, democracy and rapid development as it heads towards membership of NATO and the European Union, declaring it a role model for the rest of the Balkans.

Mesić then met with Estonian prime minister Andrus Ansip, who reiterated the country's support for Croatia's bid to join the EU and NATO, describing the steps the former Yugoslav state has taken towards membership as greatly impressive.

Following up on comments from Ilves, Ansip then addressed what Croatia truly represents to the man in the street in Tallinn: a cheap[ish] option for summer holidays. "It's an attractive tourist destination for us Estonians," he said, encouraging closer economic ties between the two countries, and turning both of the stories reporting Mesić's visit into free ads for Estonian Air flights to Dubrovnik.

And why not? It's bloody beautiful. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it. Apparently there are quite a few more Croatians making the trip to Estonia too nowadays. Coming from a country that statistically enjoys the most sunshine in the Adriatic or Mediterranean or wherever, Estonia must be popular among those in search of danker, greyer climes.

Eggstreme measures

Seems Alfred Hitchcock and his fellow Estonian ovophobes have had their revenge, with the announcement that all of Tallegg's egg-laying hens will have to be destroyed due to an outbreak of Newcastle disease.

Postimees reports that all production and sales of eggs from the company will cease immediately, only being restored to full capacity by summer next year. Even at 50% production by March or April, Tallegg are likely to miss out on the annual Easter egg frenzy, and considering they produce 80 million eggs a year - representing almost 20% of their output - it's gotta hurt. (The chickens, at the very least.)

Could be boom time for Latvian, Lithuanian and Polish eggs, all of which will undergo strict checks* upon import, although people appear not to be terribly fazed at the prospect of a lack of local eggs on supermarket shelves or about Newcastle disease itself (which, it should be pointed out, poses no threat to humans): a mere knee-jerking 11% have said they will cut eggs and chicken out of their diet completely, while as many as two thirds say the sorry fate of the birds will not influence their lives in the slightest.

http://www.postimees.ee/061107/esileht/siseuudised/293616.php?newcastle-i-haiguse-tottu-lahevad-koik-talleggi-munakanad-hukkamisele

*and presumably price rises

Europe loves bedwetters

Estonian band The Bedwetters took home the New Sounds of Europe title at last night's MTV European Music Awards in Munich. I have never heard anything they have done, but it's good news for Estonia I suppose, and their careers.

Impotence, poverty, broken homes, brain death

Wielding the might of moral righteousness, three paper pushers from City Hall are championing sobriety in the capital with a plan to advertise against alcohol. The fact that they are from the Centre Party - which at the state level is out in the cold in opposition to the current coalition - and that their campaign takes a direct pop at the government's inaction regarding alcohol-related problems in the country is neither here nor there.

Under the plan, reported in today's Linnaleht, off-licences will be plastered with catchy slogans such as "Alcohol destroys your brain cells!", "Alcohol makes you impotent!", "Alcohol tears families apart!" and "Alcohol is a waste of your money!" in order to steer people away from the demon drink. And if the troika behind the campaign had their way, at least a few of the half a million kroons they intend to spend would see the slogans slapped on the bottles themselves, a la the warnings on cigarette packets.

And in fact I tend to agree with their views. I would back them all the way if I wasn't convinced they were just out for political gain rather than actually concerned about the health of the populace. Nevertheless, they have a point: the prime minister and his cohorts claim that putting the price of a bottle of beer up by about 50 cents is a giant step towards the eradication of the drink problem in the country, when it is clearly nothing of the sort, and seem not to be at all concerned that alcohol is responsible for many of the issues they tell us they are otherwise 'addressing'.

In that sense, City Hall's slogans are perfectly targeted, if they are designed to have a shot at the government. They constantly bang on about knowledge-based economies, upping the birth rate, keeping families together and making more money, and our triumvirate of public servants has pointed out - quite rightly, if not altogether comprehensively - that alcohol continues to play a part in scuppering all of them.

Reflect yourself

With the clocks having been wound back to winter time and night once falling up before the afternoon can get much of a look in, the police have reminded pedestrians in Estonia that they are required, by law, to wear reflectors when out and about after dark.

"We can issue fines of up to 600 kroons to anyone not wearing one," said a policeman from a police station somewhere in Tallinn. "But normally we just hand out reflectors, ha ha!" Well, he didn't put it quite like that, but you get the idea.

He also made the proposal that car drivers who see anyone walking in the dark without a reflector should alert the police to their location, or better yet go and chide them themselves. This is risible for a number of reasons - if they're not wearing a reflector, drivers are less likely to see them in the first place; they should not be making phone calls whilst behind the wheel in any case; and the police must surely have better things to do than chase down non-reflector-wearing pedestrians - but is nice in theory.

I was recently given a spiffy new one that looks a bit like a snowflake-shaped disco ball. And since I don't want to add to the 280 statistics killed or injured last year in accidents involving them not wearing reflectors, I shall attach it to my outerwear at once.